The good news: My weight has not increased. The bad news: My weight has not decreased.
I am holding steady around 224/225. Over the last few months, I tried to get started on a C25K plan, could not run the entire first day, and after two weeks of trying to run that first day, started experiencing knee pain that lasted three or four days. I decided running may not be the thing for me.
I picked up Body Clutter, a book written by the creator of the FlyLady cleaning system. I started reading last night, and I'm not sure, but I don't think my weight is because of a deep-seated neuroses. The book talks about how people eat for comfort. The first stories talk about a woman whose dad was emotionally available so she eats chocolate and a woman whose husband constantly told her she was fat and ugly, so she made herself more unappealing to him by eating out her unhappiness.
I don't have problems like that, as far as I know. My family is always awesome and so is Matthew. I think my problem is that I like food, and I don't like exercise. I have yet to find a form of exercise that I enjoy enough to even pursue. I like swimming laps: it's not sweaty or hot or uncomfortable. Also, it's a great workout. That and yoga are the only forms of exercise I even remotely like, and I like neither of them enough to spend money on a gym membership where I could do them consistently. :\
Another development over the last few months is a growing comfort with the way I look now. I think FlyLady might have something to do with this, since part of the system is to wake up every morning, and get fully dressed, including hair and face. This is not because I need makeup to look pretty, or because it's important to pretty myself up for my family; it's because wearing my pretty clothes and feeling good about how I look builds confidence. Looking in the mirror all day and seeing something besides a rat's nest of hair and yesterday's makeup makes me smile.
So have I lost 100 pounds in six months? Nope. Have I met my goal weight? Nope. Have I met my goal of satisfaction with the way I look? Almost. Naked me is still a little uncomfortable, but I'm getting to like myself more and more.
Goals:
1. Be happy with where I am. I don't look like I'm about to keel over from a heart attack or anything, and I regularly look very nice.
2. Make healthy choices like fruit over a candy bar, veggies over chips, and watch sodium and sugar intake.
3. Find a form of exercise that is not entirely unpleasant or painful and do it regularly.
