Weekly Weigh-in

Starting Weight Watchers again is a whole new interesting experience. A lot of the meals I've made are delicious, and low in points, and it hasn't felt like much of a sacrifice over the last week.  The last time I did the program, I ate the same foods I normally did, but ate less of them.  Typically this would get me really, really, really hungry, then I would try to be happy with a bratwurst and half cup of potato salad.  Not surprisingly, this didn't work.  But this time, I took Weight Watchers' advice and got a lot of fruit and veggies (somewhere around 10 pounds for the week, if you can believe it) to eat with meals and as snacks.

Obviously, snacking on fruits and veggies helps me meet my daily serving recommendation, but it also allows me to eat whenever I feel a tinge of hunger.  Eating all the time, but good things, is helping me take smaller servings of high point-value foods at lunch and dinner.  One of my favorite mid-meal snacks is 2 oz. of cheddar cheese, an apple, and a stalk of celery.  (I can't believe I just said that...the pre-WW me would say something very different.)  When it really comes down to it, I think I've done pretty well this week.

I also found out a dessert that I love (and ate pre-WW) is only 3 points: all natural coconut fruit bars made with coconut milk.  They are delicious, sweet, and creamy, and totally satisfy the sweet tooth and ice cream craving.  Next week I also plan to get a cup of yogurt to try making my own yogurt in the crock pot.  This way I can make low-point smoothies for breakfast/snacks and get in my dairy, fruits, veggies, and tastiness (for cheap).

I did a few workouts over the week, but not as many as I would have liked.  I'm enjoying finding YouTube workouts and am surprised at the variety available.  In addition to the workout I posted last week, I found the Be Fit in 90 workouts, which is a workout program that covers a 90 day span with a series of videos for each day (with rest days too). Most of them are about 35 minutes long, and typically include strength, cardio, yoga, flexibility, and high intensity drills.

Over the week I  carefully budgeted covered my points saving my extra points judiciously, hoping to save a number of for the weekend.  I had about 47 points, which were all used over the weekend for meals at Mom and Dad's house for a treat of fast food, a high point dinner on Saturday, and a high point dinner on Sunday. I gained about a pound on the weekend, and lost a lot of the momentum I had build up over the weekend.

My activity goal for the week was: 18 activity points
My actual activity for the week was: 12
My activity goal for next week is: 18 points

My water goal for the week was: 8 cups of water a day
My actual water for the week was: 4 cups of water a day
My water goal for next week is: 8 cups of water a day

This week's weight: 224.8

I can't breathe!

So on YouTube, I was looking for some workout videos to try and found Core Rhythms Full Workout.  It's super fast, super fun, and will wear you out.  I was sweating like a race horse after about 10 minutes.  I think I could do this one regularly!

Here we go again!

I went to the doctor this week, and asked her about my weight and if she had any suggestions for effective weight loss.  I explained that I had gained rather a lot of weight after getting married seven years ago because of my combined worse diet and lack of exercise.  After talking to her for a few minutes, she said that she would be happy to do a chemical panel on my blood to see if thyroid might be a problem, but it was most likely that I was eating too many calories and not getting enough exercise.  She suggested that I start Weight Watchers again.  I explained that I was frustrated with the program, since I wasn't seeing a lot of progress and didn't enjoy tracking foods and avoiding the foods I love the most.  She was very nice in responding to my concerns, but the basic message was, "Grow up."

I tend to think like a toddler about food--I want it and I want it now!--and this has been a problem for me since I was given free reign to eat anything I wanted when I got married. I know what it takes to eat healthily, but I was never happy to make that sacrifice in the short term to make a difference in the long term.  It doesn't make sense, really.  I do it elsewhere in my life...I'm happy to give up my time to invest in friendships, I have less money to live on now to prepare for Matthew's and my future, but food was off limits. I don't understand myself sometimes...okay, often.

So, per doctor advice, I am again on weight watchers.  I have done two days, and scarfed down a candy bar yesterday.  I know I have extra points to use for just these things, but I felt so guilty eating it.  This isn't healthy, I told myself. But it tasted good, and I was obsessing over not being able to have it.  I need to find some alternatives to chocolate and try to keep it out of the house.  Maybe some cocoa roasted almonds?

Since starting again a couple of days ago, I've realized the Weight Watchers recipes are so much better than I remember.  Everything I have made is tasty, and it's been fairly easy to track the good health checks and the meals I've eaten.  If I can get over the self-flagellation when I mess up and realize that it's okay to make mistakes, I can just pick back up when I fall to make this work for me for a lifetime.

Soooo, weekly weigh-ins are on Mondays, and since I really can't afford to pay membership fees and pay a weekly meeting fee, you guys are my meetings.  Coming up Monday June 17th: a weigh in, a few tasty recipes, and most likely more moaning and groaning.  Hope you're up for it!

Update: Still at 225ish

The good news: My weight has not increased.  The bad news: My weight has not decreased.

I am holding steady around 224/225.  Over the last few months, I tried to get started on a C25K plan, could not run the entire first day, and after two weeks of trying to run that first day, started experiencing knee pain that lasted three or four days.  I decided running may not be the thing for me.

I picked up Body Clutter, a book written by the creator of the FlyLady  cleaning system.  I started reading last night, and I'm not sure, but I don't think my weight is because of a deep-seated neuroses.  The book talks about how people eat for comfort.  The first stories talk about a woman whose dad was emotionally available so she eats chocolate and a woman whose husband constantly told her she was fat and ugly, so she made herself more unappealing to him by eating out her unhappiness.

I don't have problems like that, as far as I know.  My family is always awesome and so is Matthew. I think my problem is that I like food, and I don't like exercise.  I have yet to find a form of exercise that I enjoy enough to even pursue.  I like swimming laps: it's not sweaty or hot or uncomfortable. Also, it's a great workout.  That and yoga are the only forms of exercise I even remotely like, and I like neither of them enough to spend money on a gym membership where I could do them consistently.  :\

Another development over the last few months is a growing comfort with the way I look now.  I think FlyLady might have something to do with this, since part of the system is to wake up every morning, and get fully dressed, including hair and face. This is not because I need makeup to look pretty, or because it's important to pretty myself up for my family; it's because wearing my pretty clothes and feeling good about how I look builds confidence. Looking in the mirror all day and seeing something besides a rat's nest of hair and yesterday's makeup makes me smile.

So have I lost 100 pounds in six months?  Nope.  Have I met my goal weight?  Nope.  Have I met my goal of satisfaction with the way I look? Almost.  Naked me is still a little uncomfortable, but I'm getting to like myself more and more.

Goals:

1.  Be happy with where I am.  I don't look like I'm about to keel over from a heart attack or anything, and I regularly look very nice.

2. Make healthy choices like fruit over a candy bar, veggies over chips, and watch sodium and sugar intake.

3. Find a form of exercise that is not entirely unpleasant or painful and do it regularly.

Waiting for Vacation

Ever feel like you just don't have any give-a-shit left?  Yeah, me too. It's been one of those weeks.  Work is boring, yet frustrating, Matthew and I have barely seen each other, and my family is stressing me out.  I've been trying to chase down an affordable apartment (suddenly no easy feat, since people are selling their homes and moving to complexes in droves).  Basically, I've been stressed and overwhelmed all week, which has made eating right and exercising less than an afterthought.  Really, it's more of a no-thought.

Last night, I stayed home from knitting to spend time with Matthew, and the two of us sat next to each other totally zoned out all evening.  He was playing Skyrim and I was looking at Better After.  We sat that way for almost five hours.  There were dirty dishes in the sink, wet clothes in the washer, and dirty laundry from the day strewn across the house.  I hadn't exercised, I had grading to do, and there were about a million better ways to use my time.  This morning, I woke up to all those dirty dishes, all that dirty laundry, all the undone grading, all the emotional stress, and felt like I needed a vacation.

I'm proud to say the house is back in order, and I'm about to head into the office to catch up on some grading and attend a three-hour editing meeting (so fun).   I feel like I'm drudging through, but I just might make it.

Two months ago, I asked for vacation for spring break.  Now that vacation starts in 28 days.  I made a countdown calendar this morning, and crossed off the first day. In 28 days, I will be sitting at home, not worrying about work, possibly sanding my dresser to finish staining it, maybe painting an end table, and enjoying time away from daily stress.

Overdid it.

Why do I not listen to my body?  On Wednesday, I was already feeling worn out from working out that morning.  Oh, did I mention that?  You know that total body rush super-exercisers talk about?  The one that makes them feel crappy if they miss a run?  I don't have that.  Nope. If I work out, I'm exhausted.  All day.  And most of the next day.

Well, instead of taking a break and alternating days, as a normal person would, I decided I was going to work again yesterday.  I did.  Even though I'd had a long work week, was already exhausted, and felt like poo.  I thought, Surely I'll feel better after I work out.  Nope.  I felt like crap.  Super crap.

So yesterday I took the day off and recuperated.  I slept and read and took lots of warm baths.  I am not working out today, since I already feel creaky and my back hurts, but I'll get some exercise tomorrow.  Gabe is down in Ardmore this weekend, and I was thinking if the weather cooperates, it might be a fun time to go run around and eat a picnic lunch at Regional Park.  Plenty of walking and scrambling on playground equipment to be had there!

Getting back on track

It's been a while, blogoshpere!  I'm finally getting into the swing of a new year and back to blogging about the weight loss journey.   Over the holidays I, predictably, gained weight.  In fact, I gained more than I had lost. The new year started and I had to fight the urge to quit.  I thought about saying, "screw it," deleting the blog, and pretending I had never made this commitment. But...people kept asking, "Hey, when are you going to update? I miss your posts."  For some reason, this was the impetus I needed to get my shit together and keep going.   I also started doing the FlyLady system of housekeeping. All of a sudden my house was no longer an excuse for sitting in the apartment pretending that I was going to clean it up. So today, the house is clean, breakfast is ready, and I have forty minutes scheduled into my day for sweating my ass off in the gym.   Here we go!!